Moving forward with medical treatment for infertility has been a chance to see God’s provision. When I met with my reproductive endocrinologist, she felt that being aggressive with treatment would be our best bet. That meant daily injections of fertility drugs. I had prepared myself for the idea, but not a full injectable cycle. Still, I felt a peace about it and knew this was the direction that Stacey and I were supposed to step in.

Doing this type of treatment meant investing financially in medication. God provided for us in a big way. The clinic we are with had some of the two types of medications the doctor wanted us to use donated back to them by a couple who had been successful. In turn, she donated them to us. We still had to purchase some of the medication from a pharmacy, but once again our faithful God provided the ability to do this.

Going into this, we did not know how it would work in our own ability, but we knew God was asking us to take that step and just trust that He would provide. It can be a scary thing to do, but seeing the hand of God work in such a way is a huge blessing and awe inspiring. Stacey and I have watched God work in many situations over the years since we have been married. From a move to Virginia with no employment, to moving to San Francisco to serve with a church and no means of sustaining income, to moving to New Orleans with no real plan, we could only do one thing: trust God. He has continued to blow us away time and time again with His goodness. We continue to pray to see His amazing work in our lives.

My question for you is this: What is God asking you to step out and do? Are you willing to do it, or is something holding you back? My advice to you is to step out and enjoy watching God work. No one does it better! We often trust in our own abilities and expect no real miracles, but we should. God is ready to do them. Stacey and I pray for one now.

After nine days of injectables, which adds up to ten injections and five blood draws for a total of fifteen needles, (If you know me, you know I’m not a needle person), we are ready for the final step in this. Tomorrow, at noon central time, we will be doing our IUI. We pray that God will once again show us an amazing miracle by allowing a child to be conceived. Regardless of the method used, we know God is in this and He is the creator of life. Our doctor and medications used are simply a vessel. As we are praying for this, we ask you to pray for with and for us as well. After tomorrow, we wait, which may very well be more difficult than the injections.

To My Readers,

I wanted to thank all of you who have taken the time to read my blog. I especially want to thank those who have taken a moment to comment or email me. Some of you have shared your own personal journey with infertility, and how it has impacted you. I would like to encourage you to post your comments to my blog, even if it is under a pseudo name.  You never know when your experience may help someone else.  I know many of you have been an encouragement to me as I hope to be to others.  Thank you again for your comments. I look forward to reading more.

Shannon

Some of you may be wondering why this post comes so long after my last one. After all, I did end it saying I would cover the spiritual aspects of infertility. The problem was, I myself didn’t fully understand it. In fact, I still may not. What I do want to do is re-launch this blog with what the Lord has been doing in my heart these past couple of months. I’m certain it has been tedious work, but I am so thankful He is gracious and relentless even when I am stubborn.

Little girls often dream of one day becoming a mother themselves. They play with dolls, dressing them up and cuddling them as if they were real. As they get older, they seek a man to love, marry, and have children with. I may have had the first part. I definitely could not wait to find the man of my dreams, fall in love, and marry him. The difference was I never really thought about having children. Instead of playing mom as a child, I played doctor and teacher. (Ask my parents about the elaborate “toys” I had to do this). No doubt I had always loved children, I just did not think of having my own. Then it happened. I fell in love, married the man of my dreams, and began to have the greatest desire to share God’s blessing of children with him. We thought it would be easy. I hoped it would. Then, I realized that easy was not going to be the course and it completely caught me off guard. As someone who likes to plan everything, this was not going the way I planned and it was frustrating.

Transparency is not easy. In fact, when things are difficult, it becomes increasingly challenging, we want to hide. Tell others what we are struggling with? That seems worse than the situation itself. It is better to suffer in silence. Isn’t this the view that many take, especially Christians? We don’t want to be viewed as weak in any way. We are super people, and nothing ever goes wrong in the lives of a Christian. Many churches even teach this, and it robs people. It robs them of ministry from and to others who have faced the same difficulties. It robs people of seeing the power of God in a situation. When we hide, we take control of things. When we are open, we are vulnerable, and allow people to see our hurt, but we also allow them to see God in our lives. I’m guilty of this myself. For years, I refused to talk about infertility. When asked about kids, my answer usually involved a “When we feel like it.” or I just brushed it off all together. With so many people around us having kids, it just was not something I wanted to discuss. It was our issue to deal with, and I figured not many people would understand. I did not realize how wrong I was.

After three years, I finally got sick of the silence and decided to speak out about it. What a blessing it has been!

Transparent Grace is something that has been nagging at me for quite some time. I believe that too often, people try to be someone they are not. To the outside world, they live a life that appears one way, when in reality, it is something completely different. Christians are extremely guilty of this. They seek to hide behind masks for fear of being judged. Because of this, they go through hurt and struggles on their own; often, things get worse instead of better. When they gather with their church on Sunday for worship, everyone appears shiny and happy, without a care in the world. Imagine what the broken, hurt person walking into this gathering is thinking. They see people who appear to be perfect and struggle with nothing. They believe that they could not possibly fit here, not with their problems. “A God that loves people like this could not possibly love me with all of my hurts, fears, and failures!” is what many think and feel. God loves the hurt, broken, and lost. In fact, He seeks to restore them to a place that is greater than anything we could ever imagine. The thing is that reality is not on this side of heaven. We need to stop pretending that it is. Life on earth will never be perfect.

In light of that, I believe that if we take off the masks and let others see our struggles, trials, and hurts along with our victories, it would do more to draw people to God and His unfailing love and grace. We will mess up, and that is where His unfailing grace comes in. It is by His grace alone that we are saved and can go through life with certainty of knowing our eternal destination. It’s what I call the “meantime” that gets us. This is where the uncertainty of life occurs. This is what this blog is all about: living life transparently before others. Our lives are a letter, written and sent by God so that others may see Him in us. You see, others can learn from our struggles and victories as they see the human in us and the hand of God use that for His glory. My hope is that by being transparent, you can catch a glimpse of that in me. Be forewarned, you will see my life as it is. No glitz, no glamour, no perfection. Only a God who is perfect and my daily attempt to serve Him.